bold is used for emphasis
Chapter 14:
Ethuil, Imladris, 2818 T.A.
Elrond strode into his office and went straight for his wine cabinet. “Meldir, I am exhausted but we have much to discuss. Care for a glass?” He waved his already full wine glass in Gildor’s direction.
Gildor closed the door and walked over to Elrond, nodding in agreement. “Yes, please. Hannon le. I really could use something about now.” He took the offered glass and sank into the leather sofa, a groan at his aching muscles slipping out.
Elrond settled down at the other end of the sofa and looked at his friend. He noticed the travel stained and dusty clothes, the messy braids, and the fatigue rimmed grey eyes. “Gildor, it is not that urgent that we have to discuss this now. In my own anxiety, I forgot that you have not had a chance to rest.”
Gildor shook his head. “Nay, Elrond. There is much we need to talk about. My own comfort can yet be delayed.” He reached into his tunic and pulled an envelope from an inner pocket, noticing its blood stained exterior as he handed it to Elrond. “First, the plans. There is a growing threat in Umbar and our agents there are getting increasingly nervous. I am uncertain how much longer they will continue to provide us information.”
“Do we need to increase the... incentives?” Elrond asked as he walked to a bookcase and slid open a secret compartment. He unlocked and opened a chest, into which he placed the envelope. He then locked the chest and returned the key to a chain around his neck. Then he silently slid the compartment closed and turned back to Gildor, who had continued speaking.
“From the fear in their eyes, I begin to believe that no incentive may be high enough. Luckily, the corsairs in Harondor are still easily bribed and quite amenable to aid the highest bidder, so our agents there are safe, for now.”
“Do you have any other concerns from your mission? Anything that should not leave this room?”
“Nothing specific to report, except that everywhere we went there was a lengthening shadow, as though daylight was waning and the darkness was encroaching, trying to take root. I know the manner of our return has totally disrupted the Council, but I feel that it is imperative we work things out so that all the realms are as well equipped and trained as possible. We still have time, and we must put that to good use by cooperating. We must put our past differences aside.”
“I assume you refer to Thranduil and me?”
“Nay, there are enough transgressions to go around. I was not merely referring to yours.”
“Sound advice as always, mellon nín. That is why Ereinion chose you to lead the Shadow Stalkers. I can imagine no other to be so cool and dispassionate in such trying circumstances.” Elrond sighed and walked back to the wine bar. “Care for more? There are other things we need to discuss, things beyond the child. Are you up for it?”
“Indeed, we may even be thinking of the same problem, but you should know everything about the child first.” Gildor began, “she is Elúvan’s child,” then continued with her story, and finally revealed all that he knew about Sídhiel.
Leaning back and closing his eyes, Elrond ran his hands through his tousled hair as he spoke. “No matter what happens now, she is our responsibility. From her behavior today, though, I would say it will not be an easy task to rein her in. She was able to withstand the ‘eyebrow’ without cowering.” He chuckled.
Gildor smiled. “Aye, for one so small, she has quite an independent streak. Things should be quite interesting around here.”
“And just who is Erestor planning on caring for his child while he is gone?”
“I do not believe that he is going anywhere for a very long time. He said as much when he first told me about Sídhiel. He had to choose between raising his brother’s iell as his own or continuing his service as a Shadow Stalker. He chose the child.”
Of course he did. Why did I bother to ask? His chief advisor had never planned on a family, and was always careful to insure that there were no accidents or entanglements. Erestor had hated being left alone at such a young age and had sworn to never do the same.
This proclamation knocked the wind from Elrond, for just as Glorfindel was his right hand, Erestor was his eyes; without Erestor's service Elrond felt himself blinded. “So, Gildor, where does that leave you? With your partner unavailable for the foreseeable future, your options are limited.” And the information I need for my realm will be less reliable, as others not of Erestor’s caliber will be called upon.
Gildor said, “Neledhon has long wanted me to return to the Wandering Company. He claims they sorely need my leadership. I suppose that is as good a compromise as any for me. But I shall not leave your realm until Erestor is healed.”
Elrond eyed his friend and asked something that had been nagging at him for a long time. “Gildor, what of you? Are you in love with Erestor?”
Gildor was surprised by the question, and choked on his drink. After he regained his breath, he answered with a question of his own, “Why ever would you think such a thing?”
“Do you truly need me to explain?” Elrond asked. Gildor nodded. “You have never taken a long term lover. You and he are intimate. You are fiercely protective of him. Must I go on? It seems that you wait for one whose heart belongs to another.”
The blond smiled, sympathetically. “Elrond, mellon nín, I can see how you might take those things and turn them into something other than what they are. But the true answer is that I love Erestor deeply. And while it is true I have feelings other than just ‘brotherly’ affection for our dark one, I am not, and have never been, in love with him.” He then sighed, and his mood darkened, as he finished, “I wait for no one.”
Elrond noticed how his friend began to close himself off, walling off something important that the Lord had never yet been able to discern. With so much emotion so close to the surface he felt now might be the time to uncover these things about his blond friend. “So you do not desire someone to love? Someone who will love you back? I find that hard to believe.”
“Of course you would. Ereinion captured you, body and soul, such that you still have not taken a lover after… how long is it now since Celebrían sailed? And you and I both know there was very little within your marriage long before then. So, of course, you expect that I would need such a love to claim me. I do not.” He lied. He knew this, but Elrond, least of all, needed to know what love had driven him to do; what auburn hair and eyes of flint had meant to him those long millennia ago.
Elrond snorted in disbelief. “You claim that you do not desire love? I know better. Remember I have known you since I was but a child. You may be the best I have ever seen at suppressing and ignoring your emotions, but even you must feel the emptiness and long to be whole?”
Gildor groaned. “Will you not drop this? What do you want of me?” He turned away from the questioning gaze.
“I want to know how to help you. You have been at my side, aiding me during the entirety of my life, yet you ask nothing for yourself. You have kept Erestor sane these last centuries, yet I worry for you. Mellon nín, please? Let me in.”
Gildor refused to turn and meet Elrond’s eyes, but he did answer, in a ghost of a voice. “Aye, I have imagined a love such as you and Gil had, but I fear the Valar will not allow it. I doubt there will be an Ereinion in my future, so I do not delude myself with false hope.” His voice wavered, but he continued, “There was one that I loved, but it was so long ago, and I was but a callow youth. That love made me become someone, something, that I did not recognize. I do not want to lose myself like that again.”
Elrond thought on all that was said, but more importantly on what was left unsaid. He was about to voice his suspicion, when the blond, without turning, held up a hand to forestall him. “Nay, do not ask. That one is gone, never to return, and I will not speak his name.”
The Lord of Imladris was saddened by his friend’s pain. Wanting to lighten the moment, he teased, “Well, Neledhon is quite attractive. I am certain it will be no hardship for you to return to his side.”
At that, Gildor turned, his friend’s smile and mischievous eyes contagious. “That he is, so I will be fine. But what of you, híren? Is there no one you desire?”
“Nay, I must say in that, at least, we are the same. No one seems to measure up to Ereinion.”
Gildor laughed openly. “Not quite the same. I was one of the few who never experienced the High King’s ‘gifts’ so I could not say whether anyone ‘measured up’ to him or not.”
Elrond chuckled, pleased, at least, that his friend was smiling. “Do not twist my words. You know of what I speak!” A thought came to the Peredhel and he voiced it, his eyes twinkling, “Mayhap you have been looking for companionship from the wrong gender?”
Standing, Gildor stretched and walked to pour more wine, “Me? With an elleth? Now I know you have lost your mind.”
Eyes narrowed in disbelief, Elrond asked, “You have never lain with an elleth?” At Gildor’s confirmation, he continued, “Ah, mellon nín, you are missing something indeed. You should consider expanding your horizons. Maybe that is why you are still alone.”
“Now this is an interesting conversation we are indulging in. I would never have guessed that I would hear you, of all people, wax rhapsodic about the charms of ellyth.” Knowing Elrond’s history, Gildor was glad of the ability to lightly tease on this subject.
“I am open-minded and have tried many things in my day; the least would be lying with ellyth.” He smirked at that. “Do you not desire progeny? No ellon can provide that.”
“No, I have not considered the idea of furthering my line. I do not believe I would be the parent that you are. My own adar was not exactly a model of fine parenting.”
“You might surprise yourself, old friend. My children are the light of my life, even if they can be the bane of my existence at times. And, along those very lines, I do have a favor to ask of you. Elrohir heard of the attack at our border. He is determined to ride out tomorrow to join the patrol. He believes that somehow it makes a difference if it is his bow and sword that slays the beasts. Elladan will stay to help care for Erestor and the other wounded, but I have nothing to force Elrohir to remain here. Could you ride with him? I know this is much to ask since you have only just returned, but there is no other besides Glorfindel I could entrust my son’s life to. I know you will bring him home to me.”
Even though every fiber in his being screamed against agreeing to the request, Gildor could not refuse Elrond, nor did he truly want to. He hated the guilt and anger the twins carried at Celebrían’s fate, for it made them reckless, but he understood, having borne his own guilt for millennia. “Of course, mellon nín, you know that you can always ask anything of me. I will watch Elrohir’s back, and we will both return in one piece.”
It was nearing the dinner hour by this time, but the two elves were each determined to address the issue of their friends. Elrond spoke up first. “Now onto our stubborn friends… what do we do about Erestor and Glorfindel? While you were gone Fin’s nightmares grew worse.”
Gildor nodded. “Aye, Erestor’s too. He admitted that he still has feelings for Glorfindel. But I doubt he will own up to them. Fin hurt him too badly for him to forgive and forget. Do you have any idea why he pushed Erestor away?”
“Pushed him away?” Elrond interrupted. “That is like saying the ice on the Helcaraxe was a light snow.”
“I had gauged that it was something severe.”
Elrond grimaced. “Glorfindel lied to Erestor, telling him that he was just another conquest to be publicly bragged about. You know how private our dear counselor is. It must have been a grave blow. Apparently, Fin still grieves for Ecthelion of the House of the Fountain. They were lovers, possibly soon to be bound when Gondolin fell.” Gildor’s eyes widened in surprise as Elrond continued, “Our seneschal has admitted he is in love with Erestor, but has fought the pull for so long out of loyalty to Ecthelion. He may finally be ready to let that memory go. So there is hope from that side. You do not believe there is any hope that Erestor can forgive him?”
Gildor shook his head. “I asked that of him directly, and he could not say that his forgiveness would ever be forthcoming. When Glorfindel does something, it is not by half measures. He wanted to force Erestor to stay away. He surely succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.”
“I feared that might be the case. Erestor has such a caring soul, but he locked his heart away behind so many walls from the very beginning. I do not recall him ever being in love before Glorfindel.” Elrond finished his wine and continued, “Aí, mellon nín, dinner is soon, and you have yet to refresh yourself. Since we seem to have run into the wall that is our dear friend, Erestor, I suggest you rest. We can continue discussions after you return from patrol. Again, hannon le, for everything.” He clasped the blond elf in a warm embrace.
“Pen neth, please, let me pass.” Glorfindel was exasperated by the young child who was glaring up at him.
“No. You hurt my ada,” she said, as she stood there with a fierce expression on her face and her arms crossed in front of her.
Glorfindel sighed. “Pen neth, you do know that I can simply pick you up and move you out of the way? So why are you trying to keep me from Erestor?”
“You are Fin. You hurt my ada. I do not want him to be sad. You make him sad. I do not want you here.” Her childish logic was hard to argue with.
He pushed his hair away from his face and knelt in front of the child. “Oh, pen vuin, it is wonderful that you love your ada. Would you believe me if I told you that I love him as well?”
Sídhiel’s brows knitted in confusion. “But you make him sad. He has nightmares…”
Glorfindel sat down on the ground and motioned for Sídhiel to sit facing him. “Maybe you and I need to talk and understand each other first. Shall we?” She nodded and sat down. Glorfindel was very good with children, and Sídhiel was not immune to his charm. “A long time ago I did hurt your ada. It was wrong. I made a serious mistake. I want to apologize to your ada. I want to take care of him until he is healed. I hope that in time he will forgive me.” His blue eyes glittered with unshed tears. “I know you may not understand what I have said, but please understand I do not want to hurt your ada. I hope I can help him instead. Will you trust me and let me see him?”
Sídhiel looked at Glorfindel and wanted to trust him. He was magnificent and had such kind eyes, which looked so sad right now. As she recalled a conversation with another formidable elf, she gulped. “Will you swear to never hurt him again? Cross your heart?”
Glorfindel’s smile was tight and sad. “I swear, pen neth, that I will do my best to never hurt your ada again. I only want him healed, both outside and in. Cross my heart.”
Sídhiel smiled and stood, reaching her hand out to Glorfindel. “Then let’s go take care of him together.”
Sídhiel sat on the bed beside Erestor’s head and proceeded to brush the stray locks from his forehead. “Oh, Ada, please wake up. Glorfindel is here and wants to talk to you. I said it would be fine, but I will stay, too. Please wake up. I miss you.” Tears ran down her rosy cheeks.
Glorfindel sat in the chair beside the bed and held Erestor’s hand. “We will both stay, pen neth.” His chest constricted at the sight before him. Erestor looked like a statue of cold, lifeless marble, not the vibrant, sensual beauty he remembered. And the child’s heartbreak was obvious, making Glorfindel feel pained. Erestor come back to us. She needs you. I need you.
Sídhiel looked up. “Do you think they’d mind if we got in next to him and cuddled up? I always feel better when I don’t wake up alone after being sick.”
“I think that is a wonderful idea. How about if you sleep on this side next to him, and I hold him from behind? With us this way, he will be surrounded by those who love him.”
When Elrond and Elladan walked in to check on their advisor, they smiled at the scene. Glorfindel was reclining against the headboard cradling Erestor gently in his arms while Sídhiel was curled up next to his uninjured side, all three sleeping. “Adar, when did this happen? The last I saw of this little spitfire, she would not let our seneschal anywhere near her ada.”
“I would imagine that Glorfindel has lost nothing of his persuasiveness.”
“Will Erestor recover?” Elladan was suddenly overcome with the thought that his mentor, caregiver, and friend would no longer be with them.
“I do not know. His wounds were severe, but he obviously has much to return for. I just hope he realizes that, Iôn. Come, let us take this time to rest ourselves.” Both elves left the healing wing, each lost in his own thoughts.
TBC
Translations:
Ethuil – late spring
meldir – my friend (male)
mellon nín – my friend
híren – my lord
hannon le – I thank you
pen neth – young one
Ada – daddy
pen vuin – dear one
Adar – father
iôn – son