Chapter 18:
Ethuil, Imladris, 2818 T.A.
Sídhiel skidded to a stop beside Erestor’s bed, before breathlessly apologizing. “Oh, Ada, I’m so sorry I’m late! Dinner was so stuffy and long! And, then Mel and I had to finish our homework. Mistress Silamothien is so much stricter than Gran ever was. Ugh! But, I have leave to stay tonight, if that’s fine with you?” Never having taken a breath during her explanation, she quickly inhaled and continued. “I’ve missed you and our quiet evenings together. Could you tell me stories instead of reading tonight?”
Erestor could not hold back the bright smile the child brought to his lips. He had been disappointed that she had not arrived at her usual time, but somehow she always made it up to him, and tonight was no exception. The darkling elf was going a bit stir crazy and Sídhiel was always a good distraction from his thoughts about one golden elf lord. Patting the bed beside him, Erestor asked, “What sort of stories did you have in mind, sweetling?”
“Well, I have always wondered what it was like to know the legends that I read about? You know, High King Gil-Galad, Isildur, King Oropher, those people. What were they like?” Sídhiel quickly pulled off her outer robes and slippers, leaving her in a soft cotton sleeping gown of the deepest indigo, nearly mirroring the color of her eyes. Noticing Erestor’s raised eyebrow, she answered his unspoken question, but not before twirling around a few times first. “Isn’t it simply lovely? Silamothien said that I should have clothes ‘befitting my station’, whatever a station has anything to do with clothes, I have no idea! But I have three of these, all in the most glorious colors! I’ve never had anything like this. It’s so soft and comfy. What do you think, Ada?”
Grinning broadly, the dark elf replied, “Obviously, Mistress Silamothien knows a thing or two about clothing a young elleth that I have yet to learn. It is a beautiful gown, very fitting for my iell.” At his reminder that Sídhiel was his daughter no matter where she was living, Erestor found his good side quickly snuggled by a giggling child.
“I love you, Ada. I can’t wait until we can be together in our own rooms.”
Brushing stray locks from her cheeks, Erestor kissed the auburn head, and quietly mused, “I, too, look forward to that.” He tried to coax the wiggly body next to him to find a comfortable spot and stay in it, with little success. “Sídhiel! Settle down and we can talk, but not until you are still.”
She replied sheepishly, “Sorry, Ada. I just missed our story time and I’m excited. I will be still. I promise. So, did you really know the High King? That was so very long ago!”
Erestor thought about all of his adventures with Gil-galad and tried to find one appropriate for the child. Once he found the perfect anecdote, he began telling the tale of his first encounter with the High King. As he launched into the humorous story, Sídhiel finally relaxed and settled in to listen.
In short order, his soothing baritone had lulled the child asleep, her eyes closed and her breathing became slow and even. Ignoring the sharp tugging and pain in his thigh, Erestor turned on his side and curled around Sídhiel, for he had learned that her presence comforted him and allowed him to sleep peacefully without dreams.
Sídhiel awoke first and reveled in the comfort of being warm and cozy next to her ada. Before Erestor, she had slept alone, having only been allowed to sleep with her Gran if she had nightmares, and then never for the whole night. Viewing the darkling elf in repose, the child marveled at how youthful he looked, with no cares to crease his brow. She wished that he could look that way always.
Glorfindel quietly entered the room carrying a tray laden with breakfast. Seeing Sídhiel awake and smiling at him, he grinned back and gestured for her to come to the balcony. She carefully crawled from the bed, making sure she did not disturb her still recovering ada. The blond set the tray down on a table next to the small hearth in the room and then threw the balcony doors wide open.
A glorious late spring day had begun in Imladris and Glorfindel delighted in sharing the morning with Sídhiel. She was always full of questions and observations that often caused the Elda to view the valley from a new perspective, allowing him to again appreciate it as though he was newly arrived.
As the room grew increasingly bright from the warm light streaming in through the open doors, shafts of sunlight teased the advisor’s face, gently caressing him to wakefulness. He stretched and the twinge in his side followed by the pain in his thigh tore him from his slumber. At his gasp, Sídhiel turned and moved to his side. “Good morning, Ada! It is going to be a beautiful day.” Erestor smiled drowsily at his iell, until his eyes lit upon the golden warrior standing framed in the open balcony doors, his face shadowed and his golden hair gleaming in the morning sun.
Sídhiel watched his expression darken, but she decided that he was just in pain, so she blithely asked, “What if we share breakfast on the balcony? Glorfindel could carry you and we can make sure you’re comfortable on the chaise. Doesn’t that sound better than eating in this bed yet again?” Not even waiting for a response, she quickly grabbed some pillows and blankets and set about making a comfortable nest in the chaise on the balcony.
The idea of sitting in the warm, morning light did sound most desirous, but the thought that he would be clasped in Glorfindel’s strong arms made his pulse quicken with trepidation. He didn’t want to be that close to the Elda for he feared his body’s reaction. The blond watched as delight was soon replaced by an unidentified emotion in the darkling elf’s eyes.
If Glorfindel was hesitant, Sídhiel was not in the least. After walking in from the balcony, she carefully helped him change sleeping shirts, never giving Erestor the opportunity to object. Once finished, she stepped back and motioned to the blond. “He is ready now. Let’s enjoy the sunshine together.”
Glorfindel smirked at the image of both he and the formidable advisor being ordered about by a mere stripling of a child, but he gladly complied, for the idea of holding Erestor was irresistible. He carefully scooped up the darkling elf, who immediately stiffened once he was in the broad arms. Looking down into chocolate brown eyes, Glorfindel asked quietly, “Erestor? Did I hurt you?”
It had been centuries since Erestor had felt those arms holding him. After briefly locking eyes with azure blue ones as Fin’s breath brushed past his cheek, he could not find his voice, so he only shook his head and closed his eyes to steel himself against the onslaught of emotions. The pull was strong for the Elda as well, but luckily it was only a few short steps to the chaise, and Sídhiel was instantly there fussing over Erestor, giving both a chance to compose themselves.
During the entire meal, Sídhiel chatted happily, drawing each elf out in turn, but failing to get the two talking to each other, for Erestor would never look at, nor respond directly to anything Glorfindel uttered. Undaunted, the child enjoyed the meal and determined that the three needed to do more things together. As she was finishing her juice, there was a light knock on the door.
“Oh, no! That must be Mel and Mistress Silamothien!” She jumped up, grabbed her clothes and raced behind the screen in the room, rapidly shedding her sleeping gown and replacing it with her favored leggings, light shirt, and tunic.
Smiling broadly, Glorfindel answered the door and let the pair in. “Please pardon us. We were enjoying a leisurely breakfast in the morning sun and forgot the time. Sídhiel is readying herself just now. I am certain she will be a but a moment.” He motioned toward the open doors. “If you would like to wait on the balcony, it is a beautiful day.”
While Sídhiel was brushing her unruly curls, and Mel was laughing at her difficulty, Silamothien visited with Erestor. She noted that the sun had done him good, but now he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. “Glorfindel, I think Erestor is in need of a nap and I do not recommend that he take it on the balcony since it looks to be quite warm today.” The Elda hurried to her side to check on the darkling elf. “Do you need help to settle him?” she asked.
Glorfindel shook his head, and gently picked up the half-dozing elf. Once in the strong arms, Erestor snuggled against the broad, firm chest and was instantly asleep. The blond enjoyed the feeling of holding Erestor and reluctantly placed him back in his bed. Sídhiel had given up on her hair and helped the Elda tuck the darkling elf in. She hugged the blond tightly and kissed his cheek. “Have a good day, Glorfindel.” She turned back to her ada and brushed a light kiss along his brow. “Sweet dreams, Ada. I love you.”
The three left quietly, and Glorfindel carefully cleared the dishes and set the tray outside the door. After deciding against staying on the balcony, he made himself comfortable in the large chair next to Erestor’s bed and simply sat in the hushed silence and watched the darkling elf sleep.
As the door closed behind him, Glorfindel turned toward the bed, when he realized that the darkling elf was wide awake. Before he could take two steps, Erestor held up a hand, and narrowed his eyes at the Elda. “Stop. Why did you come back here, Glorfindel? Sídhiel is gone now, you need not keep up the pretense.”
After setting down the tray with lunch on it, Glorfindel answered. “Pretense? What pretense? I am staying to help care for you.” The Elda was tired of the constant jibes and disparaging comments he had to endure from the advisor, but he was not going to give in to his anger, for he knew that Erestor’s intent was to goad him to rash action and push him away.
“But why? You are no healer. I am certain your talent could be better spent elsewhere.” Erestor’s words were icy. Glorfindel had to be kept away from him at all cost, for he was sorely afraid that the Elda would discover the amount of power he yet held over the advisor.
“Erestor,” Glorfindel sighed. “We have been over this before. I promised Sídhiel that she and I would care for you together. If one of us could not be at your side, then the other would be. I keep my promises.”
The dark elf snorted at that comment. “You? Keep promises? I would think that would take a measure of empathy that you simply are not capable of. Go away, Glorfindel. Take yourself to where your skills are most useful. Since you seem to delight in destroying things, why do you not at least confine your damage to our enemies?”
Erestor’s words cut Glorfindel deeply and his immeasurable patience finally snapped. As the Elda turned to leave, he said, with barely restrained anger, through clenched teeth, “I suppose I deserve your scorn and your ire for hurting you as I did, but know this, I never delighted in causing you pain. I do not even know you anymore.” Unable to restrain himself, Glorfindel ripped the door open, savagely slamming it behind himself as he stormed out.
Erestor flinched and bowed his head when the door slammed closed. Gods! When did I become so heartless and cruel? Aíya, I need out of here and away from that one! I am only doing harm to both of us.
Elrond caught himself smiling as he walked to the House of Healing. His need for control and order was being rewarded as the Council meetings were proceeding smoothly, much more so than he had expected. His friends seemed to have reached a détente in their broken relationship and Sídhiel seemed to be adjusting to life in Imladris quite well. All of the chaos was receding and the elf lord was feeling pleased for a change.
As Elrond rounded the last corner before the door to the healing wing, Glorfindel stormed out and ran into him with such force that he was pushed against the wall and his breath was knocked out of him. The Elda was fuming and cursing under his breath. Elrond could only discern a few words about a “blasted, stubborn elf”, but knew instantly who had aroused the blond to such fury.
Glorfindel was brought up short as he realized that he had ran down Elrond in his anger. “Elrond. Forgive me.”
Elrond composed himself and took Glorfindel’s arm. “Come, mellon nín. We need to talk.”
“Erestor, may I have a word with you?” Elrond asked brusquely as he walked into the dark elf’s room.
“I seem to be incapable of going anywhere, Híren. What is on your mind?” Erestor replied testily, as he set down the book he was reading.
Elrond was unsurprised at Erestor’s displeasure. The advisor was not one that relished being idle, for he often used his rest periods for work. Being confined to a bed for three weeks was most taxing on the advisor’s temperament. Taking a seat next to the bed, Elrond began tentatively, “I know this enforced confinement has been most difficult for you, but is it at all possible for you to go easier on Glorfindel?”
Erestor leaned back into the pillows behind him, and frowned. “I do not believe that is possible. In fact, I still do not understand why he is even here. Mayhap you could make sense of that for me?”
Sighing, the elf lord schooled his features to make sure his annoyance at the advisor’s behavior was not displayed. “You have a certain young Peredhel to thank for his constant attendance.” The dark elf frowned in puzzlement. “Sídhiel and Glorfindel made a pact to insure that you were never alone during your convalescence.”
“That was a lovely thought, but I do not wish him near me any longer.” Erestor’s voice was strained.
“Erestor, he worries for you.” As Erestor rolled his eyes at that statement, Elrond continued, “Your near death helped him realize what you mean to him.”
“Mere words.”
“Not merely words. He has been at your side continuously since he carried you here. He has given up everything to look after you. He takes all the taunts and jibes you sling at him without complaint. What additional measures must he do to convince you of the depth of his feelings?”
“There is nothing he can do. Do you not see? I could never trust him again, not after what he did, and what kind of relationship can survive without trust?” Erestor practically hissed in his bitterness.
Elrond sighed, not wanting to bring up the past, but finding the example quite apropos at the moment, he answered, “No relationship can survive without trust, mellon nín, but even the worst betrayal can be forgiven and the trust regained. You being here and one of my closest friends and advisors is testament to that, is it not?” Arching his eyebrow, he stared at his friend.
Erestor quailed at the memory of his betrayal of Elrond. Closing his eyes against the painful memories that era of his life caused, he took a deep, steadying breath, and replied. “Aíya, I yield, mellon vrûn, I deserved that, and left myself wide open for it.”
“I am not trying to best you in a war of words, but this antagonism towards Glorfindel needs to stop. You are hurting more than just our seneschal with every biting remark.” Erestor snorted in disbelief. “Have you become so blind? Sídhiel hears every word; each time you lash out at Glorfindel, you hurt her as well.”
“Nonsense, Elrond. She is too young to understand most of what I say. How could I be hurting her with my words?”
“Sídhiel is young and may not understand all of the words or innuendo, but she is extremely sensitive to emotions and can feel your intent with each strike of your tongue. She loves you, but she is beginning to fear you; afraid that you will treat her as you do Glorfindel if she dares to displease you.”
“Why would she think that? I have given her no reason to believe that of me.” Erestor was confused and ached at the thought that his heartless words had hit an unintended target.
“Ah, but you have. She senses how you really feel for Glorfindel, but sees how you treat him. Why would she be any different than he?” Elrond had no illusions that this discussion would convince Erestor to admit his feelings for Glorfindel and allow them to rebuild their relationship, but maybe it would make the dark elf think twice before he lashed out, thus sparing the captain additional pain.
Erestor’s eyes widened and his jaw clenched as he realized the truth of Elrond’s words. He sighed before replying, “Aíya, I had no idea I was doing that to her. I will school my words and be more diplomatic in the future. Hannon le, meldir, for making me aware.”
“Erestor, this is about more than simply schooling your words around the child. Keeping such pain and bitterness close to your heart is poisonous. Do you know how long I blamed you for the dissolution of my marriage? Only when I let that hurt and anger go, was I free to heal and be happy.”
“I do not want to discuss Glorfindel any further. That part of my life is over.”
The elf lord laughed bitterly. “Love between soul mates is never over. You should think on what path you are choosing and decide if walling yourself off is really what you want and need.”
Erestor had begun to ache all over as his fatigue grew. He hated being so weak, but he grew a little stronger every day, and must accept being stuck here until Elrond released him. Simply wanting the conversation to be over, he said, “I do believe you have exhausted me, and my healer will be most displeased.”
Elrond understood, but hoped that he had gotten through to his friend. “Please consider what I said. Sleep well, pen vuin. It should not be much longer before you are strong enough to leave here.” He leaned over and lightly kissed Erestor’s brow before walking out of his room.
TBC
Translations:
Ethuil – late spring
Ada – daddy
iell – daughter
mellon nín – my friend
Híren – my lord
mellon vrûn – old friend
hannon le – I thank you
meldir – my friend (male)
pen vuin – dear one