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Author's Chapter Notes:
DAMN! I made the short list... crappers!

Title: Gríma's Beach Holiday
Author: ZeDrippyVessel
Fandom: LOTR
Sequel to Grima's big night out
Rating: PG
Beta: Are you nuts? They ran the minutes they saw the word "Gríma"

Disclaimer 1; I'm not Tolkien, I don't pretend to be the Great one, I didn't sell this, yada yada yada Don't waste your time coming after my finances, as I have none.. My OFC is mine.

Feedback: please, whore that I am

Summary/Notes Grima rescues our lovely heroine and expects who knows what!

Somehow, I made the "short" list - the final 3 for Win a Date with Grima. I do NOT want to win!


***
I woke up, groggy, disoriented, a bad taste in my mouth. Still half asleep, I held my hand out, reaching for my security, my partners, my muses...

My lovers.

"Hal-Muse? Snape-Baby?" Their bodies did not have me sandwiched between them, the open air, foreign on my skin.

"They are not here." My eyes flew open and I awoke fully to the horrid silk of a voice that interrupted my reverie. It can't be, it couldn't be....

It was.

Gríma.

Quickly, I jumped back, rolling away from him. I rubbed my eyes. Oh what a wretched party that must have been and I definitely drank too much. I delved deep within my mind, trying desperately to remember who had plied me with so much wine?

Neither had.

I - we - had been on a casino barge in Mississippi, when the three of us had decided to call it a night. My lovers had left, to make the room more - love friendly - and I had stayed to cash in our earnings. But the lights had gone out and I had been hit on the head.

I glared at Gríma.

"What did you do to me?"

He licked his thin lips nervously. Ah yes, he knew to be nervous. Hal-Muse and Snape-Baby were not to be toyed with, not to be angered. Although they fought between themselves like two feuding girls, when it came to me, they were on a shared mission.

I was taken. Spoken for. Not to be trifled with or pawed or drooled on - except by them!

"I did nothing, m'lady. I... I... rescued you."

"You did what? You rescued me?" He nodded his head feverently. "What, pray tell, did you rescue me from?"

"There was an accident. A large tanker collided with the barge and drug it into the Gulf."

"Gríma! I am not stupid. The barge is tied to the dock!"

The greasy man shrugged. " "tis the truth. A large... tanker was drag racing another one and it slid into the dock, knocking the barge into the Gulf. It sank and I rescued you. See?" He pointed out to the water, where I could see a partially sunk casino barge, bright flags drooping in the still air.

"Well! Where is land?"

"I don't know. But..." he grinned, feral eyes sparkling dully, "a helicopter did fly over and hollered they could rescue us in a week."

"A WEEK?" I screamed. "A week? NO! NO! This can NOT be happening!" I jumped up and began to pace the small, sandy shore of the island. "How am I supposed to survive for a week with no food, nothing to read, no Hal-Muse, no Snape-Baby."

"But... but... look! They threw down survival boxes." He pointed to 2 large boxes in the sand. "I... waited for you to awake, so you could have your pick." He smiled, trying to cajole, to placate me.

I would not be swayed. I glared at him and opened the two boxes, scanning the contents of both. After looking my fill, I shoved one towards him.


"That's yours." I exclaimed. "It's a weeks supply of unflavored lembas, a sand shovel, and a book."

"A book? What kind of book?" He dug excitedly until he pulled out the volume. "Six... by... Seuss..."

"Yes." I muttered silkily. "Try the third one. Green Eggs and Ham. Fox in Socks is good, too." I pulled out my gas powered jackhammer. Ah, yes! Just as I suspected! The tank was full.

His eyes roamed to my side of the sand bar. "What do you have?"

"A weeks supply of bean burritos!" I held one up and waved it, "a gas powered jack hammer AND..." I could barely heave the heavy tome from the box, "the ENTIRE collected works of JRR Tolkien, complete with commentary by his son and every letter ever written by, to, and from him!" I slammed it down into the dirt, knocking up a small sand storm that choked the tattered man. I reached back down into the box. "Oh look! I got toilet paper!" I held up the package of Charmin, "Did you?"

Gríma looked into his box, digging dolefully. "No, but I got 2 sleeping Ba..." his voice dropped off as I snatched one of the sleeping bags from his hands. His bottom lip quivered and his watery eyes became more so as they filled with tears. I felt a quick stab of pity.

It ran through and exited my body very quickly. Feeling guilty - after all, the little slime ball DID rescue me - I opened the pack of Charmin and I handed him a roll.

"There. Don't say I never gave you anything!"

"Oh, bless you! Bless you! You are to good to me, sweet mistress."

"Yeah, yeah! Save it!" I looked around the small sandbar, one tree standing alone in the middle. I quickly figured out which way the shadows would be in the afternoon. "Tell you what! We need some ground rules here. This side," I pointed to the side where there would be shade in the morning, "is your side. You keep yourself and your stuff over there. This side," I pointed to the side with the shade in after noon, "is my side." My side also had the shallow slope of the ocean, so I could at least go in and bathe or cool off. I peered to Gríma's side. Yep. Rocks and a dark spot, showing a steep drop off. Maybe if I was lucky, he would fall in and I would then get his copy of the Dr. Seuss book!

We stayed that way for a week. I made sure my backside was pointed in his direction every time I needed to let go a mighty blast. Whatever tender feelings he thought I might have reciprocated were quickly dispelled by the odor I put off to repel him. At times, I heard him reading from the book, his mouth, slowly forming the words.

"Would... you... like... them... in... a... house?
Would... you... like... then with... a... mouse?
I... do... not... like... them..., Sam... I... am
I... do... not... like... Green... Eggs... and... Ham..."

"Can I have some help with this next sentence?" He looked up expectantly, smiling nervously.

"No!" My nose was deep in the Lays of Beleriand. "You will never learn if you don't do it yourself!"

"Oh. I suppose you are right." His nose went back into the book.

Fox in Socks was especialy difficult for him.

Several times, I was forced to use my jackhammer on him when he attempted to touch me. I was also forced to use my book as a weapon, when after dropping his roll of Charmin in his muck mud, he tried to steal another roll from me. Twice, I caught him trying to sidle up to me at night. The bean burritos would kick in just in time and he would crawl back to his sleeping bag, gagging.

Finally, our last night arrived. I was fantasizing of Hal-Muse, of Snape-Baby. Oh, the things they would be concocting for my return. I hoped Snape-Baby had brewed a potion so I would not be worn out by their attentions to soon. I did hope they would allow me a bubble bath with rose scented oils, before they began...

Maybe, they would wash my hair.... oooooooh

His pitiful sobs disturbed me from my dream.

"HEY!" I threw sand pebbles at him. "Stop that sniveling! You are interrupting my fantasy!"

"Well I am glad you have one!" he sniffed. "I have spent all week on a secluded beach with a beautiful woman and she won't speak to me or have anything to do with me! She just... just... farts on me!"

"Hey! I gave you Charmin!"

He looked at me, nose dripping. "True, but..."

I really felt sorry for him folks. I did., So...

"Look, " I slid towards him and patted my hand on his shoulder. (I was as far away from him as I could be!) "Gríma, I'm taken. You know I'm taken. Hal-Muse and Snape-Baby are all I ever dreamed of." I said gently. " I would never risk that for anything, not even you." Tears rolled down his pasty cheeks. "However, I do know of two.. maybe three women who would love to spend time with you, in your... manly arms and robes..."

"You do? You know someone who could... love me?" His eyes brightened at the thought of any woman who would hold him gently.

"Oh yes! Dorothy or Mary, I know love you dearly. Maybe Char... MAYBE! Don't quote me there! I will give you their email addresses, but you will have to take it from there."

His sobs were copious and his nose ran like a vomitous Niagra Falls. He grabbed my hands, slobbering kisses all over them. "Oh, you are kind, kind, m'lady. How can I ever repay you?"

I yanked my hand from his grasp, wiping them in the sand. I handed him several sheets from my roll of Charmin.

"Oh, just enjoy them, far far from me!"

***
Fini
***

Okay - this one did it! After careful consideration, Grima decided he was too frightened of SnapeBaby and HalMuse and cut me off like a bad spot on a potato. Then Dorothy sprayed him with BugBGone on their beach holiday, but Mary stood up on a chair and proclaimed her love and won the week stay with Grima at Orthanc.

Well, he WAITED for her for aweek while she toured Middle Earth with the Twins.

hehe. Alls well that ends well...
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