Chapter 6
Lindir’s name day heralded a new era. Gone were the tantrums and destructive behavior. Absent was the shy and yielding elfling. Lindir, still an aggressive child, learned to channel that tendency to his singing. Erestor found a suitable tutor, and Lindir now spent several hours each week learning the trade of performance.
His fear of water ever present, though lessened in intensity, he managed to wash himself without a great dramatic presentation. Water on his face was still of issue, but with a small flannel and good supervision he was clean and socially acceptable to the other elves. When he thought back on Lindir’s prior state of filth, he sometimes contemplated personally thanking each inhabitant of Imladris for not one had ever openly scorned Lindir when he ran amongst them smelling of a warg. Instead they embraced him and recognized his pain.
There was still much for Lindir to learn, and Erestor tutored him daily, though he was now attending a small class for regular studies. He missed Lindir, and on some days he actually searched for him so they could spend time together. He had come to rely on Lindir’s presence, and when they were apart for too long Erestor was forced to find him to soothe the ache in his chest. The young one had slipped through his defenses and stolen a heart he thought could only belong to Glorfindel.
To his dismay, a pervasive sadness still followed Lindir, and he rarely smiled or laughed. The elfling was often found peering out a window with a hopeful look on his face and a mournful song on his tongue. He was waiting, it seemed, though Erestor knew not for what.
Now walking hand in hand with Lindir, as they crunched through the pebbly beach surrounding a small lake, he realized they had come full circle. Lindir had been attached to his side every moment and he resentful of the ever present elfling. Now Lindir flexed his self reliance, and he searched him out for companionship. If only Lindir could find the same happiness. For that, he would forfeit all.
He startled from his musings when Lindir whispered. “I miss them, Big Erestor. Where have they gone?”
This was a question he had long expected from Lindir, and he felt unprepared to answer. Erestor hesitated, thinking of ways to mercifully but pragmatically explain why he was without his family. Finally he bent, picked up a small stone and handed it to Lindir.
“Take this, pen dithen; drop it in the water and watch.”
Lindir did as he was told and stood mesmerized as the ripples chased themselves across the surface.
Erestor picked up another pebble and held it before Lindir.
“This rock is our body and should it die our fėa is set free.”
Erestor dropped the stone at the edge of the water and knelt down, pulling Lindir close to him.
“You see how the ripples move to the other side of the pond? They never return. Our fėar, much like the ripples of water, move to the other side, to Valinor, and never return here to Middle Earth.”
He stood straight and still and Erestor thought him enchanted by the ripples which played across the surface. It was not until he turned Lindir to face him that he saw the over bright eyes.
His suddenly frail voice spoke. “But Glorfindel came back.”
“Aye, he did. The Valar made a decision to send him back as we here on Middle Earth needed him. We need him still.”
Lindir’s small face, his expression one of unwanted understanding, crumbled as he fell into Erestor’s arms. Frantically he grabbed onto Erestor’s robe, threw his head back and screamed to the sky.
“I need them! My ada and my nana! I want them back! Oh please, please I need them!
The cords in his neck were taut and strained, tears streamed down his red-blotched face as he repeatedly screeched, “Nana! Nana!”
And then he violently twisted himself back and forth before turning his wild pleading eyes on Erestor.
“Help me, Big Erestor, please help me!”
Lindir sagged against him as large gulping sobs took away his breath. Tears ran from Erestor’s eyes. Helplessly he placed his arms fully around the elfling and began a slow rocking motion.
“Help me, please.” One last hushed supplication escaped Lindir.
Quietly he began to hum one of the new tunes Lindir favored until gradually the cries became less frantic and the small body lay silent and limp. Gently he rose and carried Lindir back to their rooms, no longer a heavy burden. Erestor knew that Lindir had taken the final step toward healing. He had the strength to ask for the truth, and it was now revealed.
~oOo~
Alone yet together, holding hands again; one silently begging support, one silently offering comfort, they arrived at the large swimming pond. Fish large and small flicked through the sunlit pool, colorful in array, they sped around flicking their bodies erratically. Some jumped free of the water only to land once more with barely a perceptible splatter. The flora of the pond was in full bloom with lilies interspersed amongst mats of thick green growth. At the far end a waterfall tumbled, drowning out all sounds of the surrounding forest as the rumbling water rushed to meet the pool. Its passage wondrous as it cascaded down the rocks, creating misty breaths and casting off multi-colored rainbows when kissed by Anor’s rays.
With a final squeeze of support Erestor released Lindir’s hand and began to undress. Time for a final lesson to bind all that had come before this instance. They had worked so hard to get to this one moment, tiny steps overcoming the fears and sorrow that gripped Lindir. Less than two years had passed since his rescue.
He noted with satisfaction that Lindir had removed his clothing quickly and stood poking a tentative toe at the water’s surface.
Erestor joined him, bent and scooped up a handful and as it sieved through his hands he spoke.
“Life is not possible without water. It was no accident that Ilśvatar woke our ancestors beside a lake. And when they awoke their eyes first beheld the stars. Blessed Varda took the dews and the rains from the tree of Valinor and with this water she created the stars. Would not our days be short without this elixir and our lives less enchanting without the stars?”
Lindir silently nodded his agreement.
He took a small sip before leaning down to the pond’s edge once more. He splashed at Lindir and noted with satisfaction that he did not flinch when several droplets landed on his face. Instead, Lindir smiled, reached down and splashed him back.
Erestor reached out and Lindir readily accepted. Hands, once again, entwined and with two exuberant triumphant shouts filling the valley, they launched themselves into the water.
~oOo~
Erestor could not take the foolish grin from his face. It was Lindir’s name day, and it promised to be the most exciting yet. For the past twenty years Lindir insisted upon grandly celebrating this day, and each year Erestor worked to make it more special than those before it. Denied a begetting day as he could still not remember much of his family or where or when he was born, he had latched onto his name day revelry. For months beforehand, Lindir and Erestor would be in a fevered frenzy planning the event.
This time, however, Lindir was old enough to provide his own entertainment for the party. Erestor had watched him for the last year worry and fuss over the songs he prepared. He guarded them jealously; almost obsessively, and many a time he had come upon Lindir, whispering secretively to Elladan and Elrohir only to have a suspicious eye cast upon him before they moved away to whisper again. For some unknown reason he was overly nervous. Just this morning Lindir, usually so bold and outgoing when it came to singing, was fidgety and openly questioned whether he should actually perform. It had taken the better part of the day for Erestor to calm him. But now looking at him chatting and laughing with the twins it was clear his misgivings were laid to rest, and he enjoyed himself.
Usually his name day was a large affair but this year would be more intimate. In a bold move, he had invited the Lord and Lady of Imladris and the invitation had been eagerly accepted. Both Elrond and Celebrķan were anxious to hear Lindir’s songs for his talent was readily known. Erestor was questioned daily by those awaiting Lindir’s first performance but those elves would have to wait, for today, only a few close friends were allowed.
Glorfindel was there, too, leaning casually against a wall, and politely smiling at some story Celebrķan recounted. The perfect Lady Amlugeth was gone. She had vanished from Glorfindel’s life a fortnight after Lindir’s first name day. Erestor, though curious, reckoned her disappearance a boon and refused to ask Glorfindel why they parted. Since then, Glorfindel had not pursued anyone, leaving them time to explore their friendship. It was an agreeable arrangement, yet difficult. Each day his love for Glorfindel blossomed anew, and he longed for more, much more, but his cowardice and genuine fear of rejection kept him from his desire.
Erestor stepped from his corner, put his drink down, and clapped his hands together twice.
“The time is upon us friends. We shall hear our honored guest, Lindir, performing in public for the first time as he has graciously chosen today to herald the event. Please take your seats.”
Quickly the chairs were filled, and Lindir moved to the front of the room, picked up his lyre and calmly began tuning his instrument. Once satisfied, he cleared his throat, gave a small bow and while he softly picked at the strings of his lyre gave a short introductory speech.
“My Lord and Lady, dear friends and companions, I welcome you. And I thank you for bestowing upon me your presence on this my twentieth name day. Today, if it would so please you, I will perform three short tunes penned by my inexperienced hand. Forgive me if they seem crude and melodramatic for my only excuse is the folly of an innocent.”
When he paused for the expected and polite laughter, Erestor saw Lindir’s subtle glance at the twins and their responding smirk and, not for the first time, wondered about the bounds of their friendship. Glorfindel, who was seated next to him, obviously observed it too for he chuckled lewdly. Lindir nodded appreciatively and when the guests quieted he continued.
“I have titled this first piece ‘Ilśvatar’s Elixir’.”
With a dramatic sweep of his arm he raked the strings violently causing several to jump in shock. The tune was loud and aggressive as his fingers danced out the dark melody. Lindir’s face transformed and he demonstrated his harsh interpretation of simple arpeggios and struck melancholic chords from top to bottom. He swayed with the beat, and it looked to Erestor as if he was being thrashed in a storm, but nothing prepared him for the husky strained voice that called out the lyrics…
Relentlessly pouring down my cheeks;
Seemingly endless tears shed for those loved, now lost;
Swallowed so effortlessly by the raging storm;
Gasping for air as the waves of despair crash upon me;
A waterfall of agony engulfs me with its icy embrace;
Dazed and bowed I expect to be helplessly trapped by its fury;
Only to find the gentle ripples wrapping their protective waves around me;
Tenderly encouraging my next breaths;
For it rendered my innocence dead;
Yet it gifted me once again with life.
As fiercely as it began it had changed mid-song and became light and airy and with the last word, a hint of happiness lit upon Lindir’s face.
Erestor applauded wildly, along with the others; while Lindir bowed gratefully in front of the enthusiastic response. As the noise died, Lindir repositioned his lyre and began a soft strumming.
“All of you, dear friends, know my story but, mayhap, you know little of my reluctant rescuer.” Lindir, smiled his way, and it was Erestor’s turn to blush and squirm at the attention.
“It is to him that this next composition is dedicated for he has sacrificed much yet has freely given his love and guidance. This piece I call, ‘With Love Came Hope.’”
He picked each note cleanly, staccato-like, yet not distractedly so. The words were enunciated crisply, and Lindir held his eyes wide, changing his face to something more childlike. The sight and the tune swept Erestor back in time to when he was once Big Erestor, and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. Lindir had grown so quickly, and he had nobly progressed to this magnificent being before him. Beheld by this view of his, not so little, Little Erestor, not even the daunting words of their rocky beginning could dampen his pride.
Young and foolish and resentful;
How I longed for your failure;
Desperately clinging to the vague memories of my family;
I searched for your weaknesses, but instead you found mine;
Time and your persistence changed my perceptions;
Able to make sense of the scars that still pain me;
How your wisdom shed light on my darkness;
Guided me, fought for me when I was too defeated;
Gathered and mended my shattered pieces;
Until closeness emerged dampening my furious anger;
And you became something I had dared not hope;
A beloved friend and Adar of my heart.
Erestor blinked hard. He was not an overly emotional elf and preferred to keep himself under tight control, but the sweet simple phrases of love and gratitude threatened to crumble him. He knew that he and Lindir had become extremely close as the years passed, but had not expected him to acknowledge this quite so tenderly. As Lindir humbly hung his head before the applause, Erestor pretended to remove some foreign objects from his eyes and surreptitiously wiped away the gathered moisture. Glorfindel gave his arm a tight squeeze.
When he dared glance upward, it was to find Lindir’s stare hard upon him. The fear he had witnessed that morning was again present and expressed fully in Lindir’s eyes. Sending silent encouragement, Erestor motioned Lindir to continue. But Lindir continued to gaze at him, until just as silently, he seemed to consent to Erestor’s command. Clearing his throat loudly, he introduced his final melody.
“My final song is an acappella piece,” Lindir turned and placed his lyre on the table, “and my first attempt at a love song. This I have named ‘Not Unrequited’.”
A deep shaky breath introduced the haunting lyrics sung with a hint of desperation and longing.
Your features paint across my canvas;
Sketching a beautiful masterpiece of unrequited desires;
I long for what could be, but instead I hide away;
Desperately searching for these feelings in your eyes;
My desire for you is overwhelming;
Entranced by thoughts of you and me;
Wishing that your heart only knew;
How I crave your warmth, your touch, your love;
A simple glance, a whisper of promise, a wondrous smile;
I lie awake at night as I dream of a day;
When you might know my secret devotion.
Another round of enthusiastic applause heralded the end of Lindir’s performance. Each guest took their turn embracing Lindir and congratulating him on his fine skills. Until Glorfindel, ever the jester began the inevitable teasing.
“Lindir, pen dithen, who is this unknown suitor you seek? Surely all in Imladris already love and desire you. Let her name be known and I will see to her complicity.”
“Pay him no heed, Lindir. It was a beautiful song and the motive for it is none of his concern,” encouraged Erestor, but he was puzzled by the sudden paleness and fear on Lindir’s face.
“Aye Lindir, you will make a fine minstrel for the court should you so desire,” agreed Lord Elrond.
Lindir smiled at his Lord, and then spared a quick look at Elladan and Elrohir before he turned a bland face to Glorfindel.
“Lord Glorfindel, you honor me with your words. However, this song does not reflect my secret yearnings.”
Lindir hesitated, turned toward Erestor embraced him fiercely and gripped his hands firmly, before facing Glorfindel once more.
“No, my lord, this is how Erestor views you.”
Erestor stunned and held into inaction by Lindir’s firm grip barely maintained his feet. He did not knowingly register the gasp from Lady Celebrķan, nor the exuberant grin that spread on Lord Elrond’s face. His love for Glorfindel was no longer his illicit secret but laid bare for all here to see. He could hear nothing above the furiously fast beating of his heart and the blood pounding in his ears, and his eyes flashed red as his face flushed with the helplessness of humiliation.
The moment was ended by the calls of Elladan and Elrohir. It seemed they were hungry for cake and could not wait a minute longer. Laughing and teasing the two cajoled the crowd back into pleasant conversation while Lindir dragged Erestor to the table.
He viewed the scene from afar as if his fėa had floated from his body though he was painfully aware of Glorfindel’s presence. He could not glance over at Glorfindel who was unusually quiet and somber. Instead he sat staring straight forward and laughed when it seemed appropriate although he heard not one syllable of the dialogues around him. No one attempted to engage him in conversation, and only Lindir dared touch him; one skillful hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. Erestor recognized the touch as the same he had used on Lindir, long years ago, when the elfling had woken from frightening dreams. But when he could no longer hold back the shaking, when his hands could not grip the utensils, he stood, prayed that his legs would not fail him, and made some excuse before leaving the party. Though he dared not turn around, he knew that every eye followed him out the door.
~oOo~
Erestor paced his rooms. Lindir in his naļve attempt at matchmaking had possibly ruined his cherished friendship with Glorfindel. He would have eventually approached Glorfindel with a declaration of love, but now that timing had been ripped from his control. He tried desperately to put his mind to a solution out of this disaster for he could no longer live without Glorfindel in his life. But with no ideas forthcoming he feared Glorfindel would run from him and abandon their friendship.
He tried to rationalize. All was not lost. Anor slowly sank from the sky to make way for Ithil. He could smell food cooking, hear elves laughing, feel the passage of time. Birds were rallying to their late afternoon song. His secret was out, aye, yet Middle-Earth had not ground to a halt. Life continued on as usual. Would that his own life could follow the same course.
A knock on the door froze Erestor in his tracks. Nay. He could see no visitors at this moment. It was best to keep quiet and ignore the would-be intruder. But the knock came again, more insistent, this time along with a voice calling for him.
Erestor’s blood ran cold. Glorfindel stood at his door. He was not ready for this confrontation, had not yet secured his denials to Lindir’s declarations. As the door opened without his approval, he considered a run for the bathing room where he could hide secure behind a lock. Instead he stood rooted to the spot, face looking down, hands balled into fists at his sides awaiting his sure doom.
“Erestor.”
His head jolted up at the sound. The way Glorfindel said his name…with such sweetness and a tinge of sadness and overjoyed all at the same time. Glorfindel’s eyes were filled with pleasure and desire; heated desire. It shocked the breath from him.
“No one angers me as you do. No one confounds me as you do. No one tests me as you do. But when you smile at me, Erestor, oh when you smile, I feel as if Anor shines only on me. You are my life and for these long years I have loved you.” Glorfindel put a hand behind his head and dragged him forward.
Erestor eagerly opened his mouth to the kiss which captured him, Glorfindel’s lips hot and lingering and frighteningly intense, yet a comfort and a lure. He gave himself up, fully consumed, until Glorfindel moaned and Erestor stole the sound from him turning the kiss hard and possessive. Elation and excitement coursed through him. Finally he held his heart’s desire courtesy of the bravery of one small elfling.
~oOo~
Lindir perched on the edge of the reflecting pool and watched several birdlings, unfazed by his presence, frolic. Elladan and Elrohir waited for him in the shadows. He felt them there and knew they sensed his unease. Their innocent fumblings in the dark and sincere declarations of love had unwittingly opened a fragile bond between the three of them. In the throws of this new love they had hatched a plan to bring together the two ellyn who were responsible for many of their happy childhood memories. Even though they had watched Erestor and Glorfindel dance around each other for years, it was clear now that their plan was not well thought out. Erestor’s stricken face would haunt him forever if they had miscalculated the strength of Glorfindel’s love for him. That possibility pained him so, and he ached with despair.
While he sat and pondered, Anor set and before long the birdlings flew off leaving the water’s surface calm and smooth.
He occasionally glanced up to Erestor’s windows, watching the lone shadow pacing through its rooms. Until…the lone shadow was joined by another. His breath caught and he leaned forward as if mere inches could provide him more sight. Lindir waited and observed as the shadows met and melded into one and then the light in the room winked out. Finally releasing his breath, he relaxed and smiled. He felt the twin’s relief also. His debt to Erestor would never be fully repaid, but this was a small beginning.
Turning back to the reflecting pool, he slowly dipped his finger into the water and set off a cascade of ripples across the once smooth surface.
The End
Author's Chapter Notes:
Title: A Song in a Song
Author: Hare (harefic@yahoo.com)
Type: FCS
Characters: Lindir, Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor/Glorfindel
Rating: PG-13 mainly, R rarely.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters found in this story nor was I creative enough to invent their world. I make no profit except in joy.
Timeline: Early Third Age
Warnings: Slash ā“ some angst, some fluff, some romance. Not a songfic but a new genera Erfan and I call bum-fluff wherein a character lusts for anotherās bum but the reader gets only fluff.
Beta: Weeping Naiad ā“ a friend AND a scholar. Thank you, my dear.
Entry: 2008 Glorestor Challenge
Dedicated: To Patricia āslayer9649ā, rescuer of orphans.
Authorās Note: A huge thank you to the āTale Spinnersā, Ezimachia and Svengalliedhare, for unwavering support and advice. Svengalliedhare, with whom I proudly share 25% of my genes, wrote all the songs in this story with edits by me. ***Except for the first and last sections this entire story is from Erestorās POV.