Title: The Last Message
Type: FPH with a twist of FPS
Author: Hare (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Warning: First person POV, angst, romance, sexual scenes
Disclaimer: Amateur at work here! No profit has been gained and no infringement of copyright is intended.
Beta: Ezimachia and Erviniae (Ervy). How could I go wrong with Double E’s?! With special thanks to Ervy for the last minute beta-help and going the additional mile by checking on my LOTR canon/fanon accuracy. All mistakes are mine.
Timeline: Imladris - Third Age
Notes: Written for the Mereth Rhîw Winter Writing Challenge. My prompts were “up on the rooftop” and “snowballs.”
Summary: Arwen reflects on her lifelong relationship with Erestor.
Our relationship surprisingly returned to its normal character within weeks of the confrontation. On his part, Erestor treated me as he always did, caring and considerate. I continued to wonder incessantly on the topic of his lover, but resolved to respect his wish that it never again be mentioned. However, my anger and confusion at his reaction continued. I had meant to save him, to show him the truth of the matter and liberate him from his pain and certain death. The violence that had greeted me was staggering. Still, I decided I was free to research and dig for more answers. Further, I would not relinquish the other letters to anyone but kept them safe in my care.
As the months rolled by and mine own desires resurfaced, I did begin to question if Erestor had forgotten his promise to me. Even in the midst of my despair, I still ached for his touch and often wondered if I could turn his love towards me. I knew the thought was mere fantasy, but hope springs eternal when one has nothing else.
But Erestor had never broken a promise to me. Ever true to his word he came to me one night when the heat of summer waned and Ithil shone relentless through my open window. With a soft knock he entered without permission and stood watching me with hard, dark eyes. After a short time, during which we neither spoke nor acknowledged the other, he padded forward and laid a hand upon my cheek. He stroked it soothingly before speaking.
“Show me how you pleasure yourself, Arwen. If you cannot find pleasure alone you will be unable to accept it from others.”
And with that he strode over to a chair hidden in the corner and sat. His entire face was shadowed, yet I could see his long graceful fingers leisurely resting on the arms of the chair while he nonchalantly crossed his legs.
I felt none of his calmness for he asked me to display myself. Though he had tested me in many ways this command by far the biggest challenge, as he intended it be done without the warmth of his encouragement. Never had he demanded so much of me. Yet I knew without this test I would never taste Erestor, and if I could not have his love I absolutely intended to know his taste.
And then a smile graced my lips for I remembered my initial experience with the enjoyment found between my legs. Newly released from my first riding lesson I had burst into Ada’s meeting room. In graphic detail in front of all those present, I had described this strange new feeling that still tingled through me. Ada had with a bright red face escorted me from the room and gently spent the next two hours explaining what had occurred. I was never to be ashamed, he said, but it should be a private matter. Surely Ada never envisioned this.
And that simple thought sent a shiver through me. I had few secrets. Tonight I would add another, shared only with the one who waited in the shadows, the one who I loved but loved me not. Still it would be ours alone, this secret.
Though I usually preferred to be nude, I knew I could not allow that, too open and vulnerable. My sleeping gown would remain on.
Reluctantly, I moved toward the bed and began to climb upon it when Erestor interrupted my progress.
“Light a candle.” He commanded it.
I did so, sparking the one closest to my bed. I threw a questioning look towards Erestor as I climbed upon my bed once more. Satisfied he had no further demands forthcoming; I lay down on my back. My nervous breath panted forth. The entire scene played through my head, surreal, as I lifted the gown up to my waist and pulled off my undergarment. My heart pounded in my chest.
Cool air assailed my legs and lower torso, and I could feel the flesh pimple. Slowly, I ran my hands down across my belly as I lifted my knees and spread them. I stopped rigid when another command broke the silence.
Awkwardly, I opened my legs fully, flushed with embarrassment, but oddly excited. My limbs trembled from the stretch. Unaccustomed to this position, I ran my hands quickly between my thighs, teasing, hoping to distract my mind. I knew this game well concocting fantasies to further my gratification and the object of my desire sat mere feet away. Tentatively, I touched that place of pleasure…hot and moist, as I recalled Erestor naked in the Bruinen. Yet in this fantasy he sees me and stalks me, presses against me, erotically caresses me. Those simple thoughts are all it took to send my vision black and a strong climax shuddered through me.
As I lie there panting, I had momentarily forgotten Erestor watched until a shadow fell upon me, startling me, and I looked up into his aching, hungry eyes. His breath also swift and as I dared look downward I could see his erection solidly outlined against his left thigh. I reached out to touch it, but he moved quickly away from my fingers and firmly grabbed my questing hand.
“I will come for you in my own time and when I do you must not deny me for you I offer only this one chance.”
His words dampened my pleasant feelings for they were said so solemnly and his face reflected such sadness. I opened my mouth to release him from his promise, but the words caught in my throat. Desire and dread warred within me. And then the opportunity was lost for he left my room with nary a look backwards.
Summer’s heat fled and the chill of autumn took full hold. Mid-winter descended upon us and it turned frightening and quickly frigid. My mood waned with the failing light and the deepening of the seasons, as Erestor did not come to me. Nay, instead his days were filled with endless meetings as visitor after visitor arrived in Imladris, amazing considering the depth of the snow, with problems and requests. Never a glance my way; neither during meals nor when I sat in the library. Even more frustrating, my search for further clues to Erestor’s lover remained unfruitful.
Desperation became my constant companion. Nightly dreams of Erestor sneaking into my rooms aggressively laying waste to my virginity and declaring his hidden, enduring love taunted me. It became a frequent fantasy, yet one I dare not grasp hold of for my heart perched delicately balanced on the edge of madness. Still, those dreams sent me each evening racing to my rooms, grappling off my clothing, and fanatically pleasuring myself, stopped only by pure exhaustion would I fall into slumber. This frenetic routine lasted a full month.
Until, my brothers, nosy as ever, approached me one day in the corridor. Each took hold of an elbow and steered me away from prying eyes.
“Who is he, little sister?” Elladan started the interrogation.
I, in turn, and determined to avoid their questions, jerked my arms from their grip and proceeded to sniff the air.
“You both smell of ale and perfume. Have you been drinking and whoring again, my brothers?”
Elrohir laughed heartily while he twined a strand of my hair through his fingers. “Such a perfect student of Erestor is our little sister. Never deny, but misdirect whenever possible. Come now. We have both watched you for a month shuffling sideways like an old mortal woman, and the grimaces on your face whenever you sit are impossible to ignore.”
I rankled at their interference even knowing they only sought my well being. My brothers had harshly taught me an enduring self-sufficient toughness for survival. From my earliest memories, I recalled their tests of me. It did not seem to matter to them that they were significantly older, rough and tumble they waylaid me, constantly forcing me to defend myself from their attacks. Even a game of fidchell or brandub seemed an opportunity for a ruthless lesson of humility.
And then the day came when I laid my own trap concocted from a book I had recently read. The snare successfully sprung and with a few well placed incapacitating blows, learned from my brothers, I trussed them up neatly using knots also learned from them. The insults and threats they hurled my way did not deter me and with surprising strength I dragged and deposited them in the open sparring area for all their friends to see. That same night I, unsurprisingly, received a visit from my brothers, their demeanor bright and happy and they chatted with me for hours congratulating me on besting them.
They loved me thoroughly and I them. Even when they left me bruised and hurting I always knew there existed an underlying tenderness. They fretted about my welfare, constantly warned me of those who might seek to take advantage of my position as Lord Elrond’s only daughter…of those who viewed peredhel as lesser beings and might seek my pleasure to satisfy their own inappropriate curiosity. This confrontation was no different for I could see the concern in their eyes.
I reached out to both of them and tugged them close for an embrace.
“You worry for no reason, my brothers. All is well and will be as long as I have you both to guide and reassure me.”
I punctuated my statement with several fierce squeezes before sending them on their way. Luckily, they were inebriated enough to follow my directives without much fuss.
“Now off with you and make sure you bathe well. Ada will not appreciate a morning meeting with your debauched scent wafting through the room, distracting the counselors.”
“We will have the truth from you, Arwen,” declared Elladan.
“You have the truth from me. There is nothing more to tell. Go!”
They both looked as though they might argue further, so I raised my eyebrow slightly but grinned at them when they reluctantly moved away. I waved each time they looked back at me with questioning gazes, knowing their curiosity remained unsatisfied. Those two were ever monitoring my activities and those around me. My twin towers of protection had successfully taught me to defend myself, even from them, and for now my secret remained secure.
Each year, Nana and I were in charge of preparing and planning for the Solstice week celebrations, seven days dedicated to overindulgence. Her duties put her at the head of all entertainment decisions, and the day I reached my majority I became her faithful assistant. My favorite, by far, the week of Solstice for it held such fond memories of frolicking in the snow, vats of nog consumed, and food not served any other time of the year. The mouth watering smells of Solstice preparation, for weeks permeating the Last Homely House…fermented cider, mince meat pies, cookies of various shapes covered in brightly colored icing, sugared fruit, crunchy candies sticking to my teeth. I can think of nothing that compares to the cries of delight heard during this time, the elflings squeals of laughter and joy, me perched up on the rooftop pelting my brothers with snowballs, and the smile that never seems to leave my ada’s face. For only during this time of gaiety does he allow the mantel of his burdensome duty to fall away. Even now, I lick my lips and anticipate next year’s gala determined that the events of the past weeks will not mar my future Solstice traditions.
And so it was that the time right before Solstice week progressed slow and sluggish, as it is inclined to be before a much anticipated event. A restlessness overcame me, and I could no longer wait for Erestor to approach me. A plan to call Erestor’s attention my way, hatched fully in my mind.
Nana and I always purchased new gowns for Solstice week, and this year I knew something more revealing would not go amiss. He had conceded his desire for me and if Erestor needed a further incentive I would do my best to provide it. In the meantime, I knew I must make myself even more available to him.
For weeks I circled around Erestor flitting in, garnering his attention, then skillfully falling back and observing. I conveniently went to the library at times when I knew he would be present, casually discussed the books I had been reading, sitting as close to him as possible without being obvious. My plan seemed flawless for in a few days he seemed to be looking for me any time I entered a room he occupied. Yet he never appeared overly happy to see me.
The entire situation then became more confusing. During one of these forays, I began to notice something that had previously escaped my attention. Now when I think back with clearer eyes I realize it had always been happening. Glorfindel was constantly around Erestor and intent on pushing me away.
At meals he smoothly managed to sit next to Erestor, forcing me further down the table. In the library, Erestor already cornered into unknown conversations with Glorfindel so he had no time to speak with me. Increasingly frustrated, I changed my daily habits and came to Erestor at off times or barged in on him with legitimate business related to the upcoming festivities. More often than not, Glorfindel already resided in a chair near Erestor and always seemed to have a question just as I arrived. His intentions were so subtle I had convinced myself I dreamed his interference. Until one day, I caught a glimpse of a look Glorfindel threw my way. I do not think he meant for me to see, yet it bounced frightfully toward me, reflected off the looking glass I faced. An icy gaze full of contempt trained straight at my back. The shock almost knocked me from my feet! I had known Glorfindel since birth but not as I knew Erestor. Glorfindel had been mentor to my brothers and rarely interacted with me, but never did I suspect this level of disdain.
Shakily, I left the library and shied away from Erestor. Some undercurrent existed between the three of us, and I could not ferret out its source. Erestor seemingly recognized my absence and sought me out soon afterward and to my delight requested I accompany him to the bard performance on the first day of Solstice week. Of course I accepted and used that opportunity to display my new gown…dark green with a spray of golden light flowing through it, the bodice only slightly revealing, but the fit nicely snug in all the important places.
To my dismay, the sight of me in this new dress did not entice Erestor into my bed. Nay, indeed we spent most of the night, after the entertainment, drinking and in discussion with Glorfindel on the merits of harmonious acappella pieces versus those accompanied by instruments. I sat yawning while they engaged in the most intense discussion I had ever heard about absolutely nothing. Admittedly, I did remain somewhat alert to see if Glorfindel would again pierce me with a contemptuous look, which he did not, until I purposely hooked my arm through Erestor’s. I did not imagine he became more contentious when he saw that, and I watched amazed as their argument deepened. Erestor finally ended it and left in a huff with me in tow, before depositing me at my door, and stalking away.
Four nights before Solstice, still utterly confused and frustrated at my lack of progress, came the bonfire and dance. A full evening of merrymaking directed at ushering in longer days and chasing away the darkness with light. Ada and his counselors each presided over one of the dozens of fires and in perfect harmony lit the blazes which sparkled brilliantly off the newly fallen snow. Life prevailed. We sang a few praises to the Valar before the dancing and imbibing commenced.
That night Erestor turned wild. Never had I seen him in such a frenzy…frolicking and drinking until all the braids fell from his hair and it swirled freely around him. He danced with one no one yet spoke to all, laughing and cavorting.
Contentedly, I gazed around at the gathered crowd, grateful for this time to celebrate and forget the worries of an evil world outside our borders. My senses were completely alight, taking in everything at once yet nothing at all - the crunching of the trodden snow, puffs of white breath escaping from each elf into the cold night, laughter, shouting, amorous displays, families and friends chatting, elves coming and going as the mood suited them. My vision briefly lit on my parents who held each other closely and swayed to the music, then to my brothers who changed partners as quickly as they gulped down warm wine, but always they circled back to Erestor.
My eyes were not the only ones trained on Erestor. Across the fire I noted that Glorfindel also watched. He looked nowhere but at Erestor, so I had freedom to observe him undetected. Tiny smiles graced his face and occasionally he would shout out for the playing of some particular song. Each time the tune would send Erestor prancing off in obvious enjoyment. Glorfindel knew Erestor well, very well. Yet, I knew this observation was not common knowledge. Never had I heard it commented on or alluded to. Erestor seemed to realize Glorfindel controlled the musical selection, but he appeared content to allow it. No fighting between them. Nay, tonight it seemed they were harmonious and an invisible but apparent thread bound them to each other.
But tonight belonged to me, and I intended to share it with Erestor. Skirting around frisky couples, I moved toward Erestor ready for a dance when out of nowhere a large body broadsided me! Large blunt hands reached out, steadied me and a low voice whispered near my ear.
“You must watch where you tread, my lady, or harm will befall you.”
Wiping at the wine stain on my dress the speaker’s choice of words set off an alarm in my head. Curious, I looked into Glorfindel’s face. Oh aye, the threat was there and it hung between us. His eyes glittered aggressively and the muscles of his jaw jumped as he ground his teeth.
I broke the tension with a laugh and agreed with him while I held his gaze, but he said nothing further and moved off toward Erestor.
Glorfindel smoothly matched steps with Erestor and gathered him into his arms. Never before had I seen Erestor dance with another yet, he fit Glorfindel perfectly and they spun through the snow never missing a beat. Erestor suddenly threw his head back, his face a mask of ecstasy and a grin from ear to ear. I stood entranced and exceedingly jealous. And then a large log fell through the bonfire sending a cascade of sparks lighting up the celebration. A cheer rippled through the crowd but my attention remained trained on the dancing pair and in the new light beheld a sight that forced a gasp from my chest.
Glorfindel’s hair held two elaborately woven love knots that swayed with him and seemed to reach out occasionally caressing Erestor. But his decorative over robe is what truly caught my vision. Now as I write this account I wonder at my blind eyes for the sight is still emblazoned in my mind. On the back of his over robe prominently displayed was a luxurious rendition of the seal which adorned every letter Erestor’s lover had written him.
I could only call myself a fool! The clues so obvious in hindsight…golden light, celandines, a sling the weapon of choice for those of the House of the Tree, and golden flowers representing the House of which Glorfindel had been the head.
Glorfindel was frequently at Erestor’s side, constantly searching for approval. Nay! Now it seemed clear he desired forgiveness and it was never granted. He remained the brunt of Erestor’s ire and temper and nasty barbs, Glorfindel’s eternal punishment for rejecting Erestor’s love, for pushing him aside in the name of duty. To be near him, yet not have him, ever again. I would never possess the ability to wound Erestor thus for only true love could maim this completely.
Their dance ended quickly and with it came a renewal of Erestor’s awkwardness. He firmly pushed Glorfindel away. I did not rejoice when Erestor headed straight for me and marched me forth to begin another frenetic turn around the fire.
I could not resist looking at Glorfindel, his venomous gaze trained fully upon me. He viewed me as the enemy, a rival for the affections of the one he loved and longed for! All along, the answer to my question stood in the open, but I proved too selfish to see. Dangerously unnecessary, I smirked a victor’s smile at him and leaned closer into Erestor’s embrace.
Glorfindel appeared startled at my display and a frown of sadness crossed his face before he stalked away into the darkness. I felt no regret. He had once held Erestor’s heart and had foolishly thrown it away. For that there is no pity.
The next day I discovered that Glorfindel had left unexpectedly to monitor the patrols and would not return until Solstice morning. I felt relieved and grateful for his interference and dreadful behavior towards me had taken a toll. Erestor and I spent the following days unencumbered by his presence and able to fully enjoy the remaining week of celebrations, except that Erestor seemed distracted and sullen. His good cheer was clearly an act and never once were his hands free of a cup of wine or spicy nog.
I still suffered from his nearness. This new wildly animated Erestor relaxed by drink drew me in more as his inhibitions dropped. I had never seen him behave this way, so seemingly out of control.
I should have expected he would come for me during this time, but I did not and was completely astounded when he did so. In an attempt to release my frustrations I had volunteered to assist Cook in baking for the Solstice Day meal. A night of kneading and throwing dough seemed the perfect mind-numbing remedy to my Erestor problem. For hours I rolled and floured thinking of nothing but the banquet to come, and I continued to work unaware that all the other elves had left for bed.
When questing fingers smoothly ran down the length of my arms until soft hands lay on top of mine, I jumped. His strong arms then encircled my waist, startling me to rigid attention. A wicked chuckle threw hot breath against the shell of my ear and the smell of strong ale assailed my nose.
“Nay, you are too rough. Gently, Arwen. You must encourage the dough not beat it to submission. A light touch goes the distance and it will rise steadily and stately. And when it reaches your mouth you shall experience a hot, moist morsel that melts on your tongue.”
“Solstice eve,” he murmured. “Wear your green gown, the one with gold sparkles, the one that hugs your hips tightly. And your hair will be pulled up off your neck.”
His lips brushed gently against my ear before he turned me for a light kiss filled with a deeper promise of more. He left as quickly as he came, leaving me the lingering heat of his lips and savoring the hint of alfirin ale.
The fated night arrived quickly and per his orders I wore my new gown and my hair drawn up and gathered atop my head. I spent the time nervous and twittery, laughing loudly and frequently inappropriately. Matters were not helped by Erestor who found any opportunity to be near me and remind me of his presence with subtle touches. Truly, I wanted to turn to him and shove him away for surely he knew I was aware of no one but him and his nearness just unnerved me further! Mayhap he thought to calm me, but only the opposite resulted.
My nana knew something was amiss as I caught her eye on me frequently. Ada kept my wine glass full but his face remained unreadable. My brothers, thankfully, had thoughts for only each other and played some private drama the entire night. I do recall Lindir once calling out what a shame it was that Glorfindel could not be present, but Erestor quickly moved us from that subject. He threw Lindir his lute and commanded he play, and he did song after song, Erestor singing the loudest of all.
Finally, exhausted, I could take no more. The entire evening wore a desperate tinge, an undercurrent of forced gaiety and I sought to escape it. For tonight and tomorrow would change my life and Erestor’s life forever. I would wait no longer.
With quick apologies, I excused myself and hurried to my rooms. I had preparations to see to, and I knew not when Erestor would arrive.
Minutes turned to hours as I lounged nude in my bed awaiting his visit. I had completed all my errands and had already bathed and combed out my hair which only left me to toss nervously and fret. Surprisingly, I must have dozed for his touch woke me and he stood unclothed and brilliant beside me. Not wasting another moment, I reached for him and pulled him down. It scared and thrilled me to be pinned beneath his weight. His hard solid muscle and smooth skin bore me down into the bed, and I could feel the hot length of his shaft pressed against my thigh. But I had trusted Erestor with everything and knew I could trust him with my body.
He started at the top of my head, kissed each eyelid, my nose, my smiling lips. Fingers traced my eyelashes. I gasped as his tongue wrestled within my ear and laughed when he lightly touched my neck and shoulders. His hair smelled of cinnamon as it tickled against my breasts, his skin exuding a musky scent as his slim welcoming body slid down mine, and his familiar fingers, permanently stained black, touched every part of me.
His mouth, when not busy causing groans from mine own, uttered words of guidance.
“There is more pleasure to be found than that between one’s legs. You must insist that he investigate every inch of your being and find those sensuous places gifted to you by Ilúvatar. They can be quite different for each elf and if you have more than one lover you may find that those places sensitive for one may not be for others.”
He burned a hot path down my body sweeping away any inhibitions or doubts and my skin prickled every place it was touched. Short, fierce kisses interspersed with whispered instructions on what I should demand from a lover, his chatter not at all distracting or clinical but sensuous and loving.
I learned more about my body in those slow minutes than I had discovered in my prior lifetime of self exploration. The sounds he forced from me so foreign, I did not recognize their origin. Until the sight of Erestor, my life long mentor, sucking on my toes forced a laugh from deep within and he smiled in return.
His mouth turned upward in a grin that caught the breath in my chest. So rare was this moment that I willed time to slow so I could savor the rare instance of happiness. It lasted for only a few seconds before the shadows returned to his eyes as he once more became serious.
His strong hands still gripped my feet and he spread my legs firmly apart. My heels dug into the bed as he started an agonizingly slow pathway up my left leg, pausing to taste and lick any area of exposed skin. Valar, how I wanted to grab his head and force it to task between my legs instead I groped at the bed coverings, my hands balled into tight fists.
My eyes rolled and I could not stifle a groan when Erestor suckled the skin of my inner thigh, and I marveled at how painful this bliss was to bear.
“Patience.” The word floated into my consciousness, a gentle ridiculous command.
“Please, Erestor. Get on with it!” I growled, my voice insistent, but barely above a whisper.
When he failed to move, I urgently grabbed the back of his head and pulled it upward. Initially he resisted but then I heard a soft chuckle before hot breath followed by insistent lips lurched forward and consumed me. I groaned again this time from pure exhilaration.
A moan began low in my throat as he continued to suckle between my legs his tongue swirling relentlessly. It seemed my mind left me, and I became a primitive being heaving about and crying out until a jolt of power exploded through my body and I arched up tense and rigid. My cries echoed loudly around me and then I fell back to the bed completely limp while shivers of pleasure pulsated through me.
It took me several minutes to realize that Erestor had abruptly left me and rolled over beside me, but his voice brought me back to the moment.
“A good lover also shows an equal amount of attention to her partner.” He stated matter-of-factly as he hauled me upwards, I still groaning and panting. A small smirk played across his lips.
“My mouth needs your attention.” He said huskily before pulling my head down and covering my lips possessively. He tasted wonderful, and I plundered inside, wrestling with his tongue, eager to take charge.
I moved and my mouth found the strong pulse on his throat, the heartbeat of my lover. Just this once. But mine for one special night. Erestor’s breath caught as my hand reached the line of his fine, sparse hair and quickened as I combed down toward his shaft.
Unaccountably shy after all we had already experienced, I touched him and felt him harden further beneath my grasp. Clumsily, I stroked him enjoying the feeling of his silken skin overlaying such rigid aggression. Completely unsure of his desires, I moved down and contemplated and waited. He had not stopped my movement, so I extended the tip of my tongue and licked the crown of his erection. His taste not extraordinary, but not vile either, so I ran my lips around the head and down the shaft. Amazed, I watched as Erestor became undone, shivered, groaned and his legs fell completely open. I dropped neatly between them. Clearly he enjoyed this act so I continued with vigor until his moans turned wild. He thrashed so violently I had to press my weight on his legs to continue.
I do not know what overcame me, mayhap I became bold at my power, but I knew there existed a place were males might find even more pleasure. Carefully, I slid my fingers under him and quested for his opening. In an instant he sat up, his hand reached out grabbed my wrist, and yanked my left hand from beneath him.
“Nay.” His eyes flashed fear and the pressure on my wrist increased.
On the verge of begging for release, he forced me onto my back and mounted atop me, pinning one wrist above my head. His legs knocked my knees open and he pushed between my thighs.
But he stopped, appeared tentative, and poised hesitantly waiting, almost unsure. We had come this far and made it this close, and I refused to allow him to withdraw on his promise. So I reached out with my free hand and ran a finger lightly down his cleft delving deeper until I neared his forbidden entrance. It seemed that broke his resistance for his hips bucked forward strong and hard and he entered me in a single thrust. A flash of agony flared within me, though only a fleeting glimpse for I had been well prepared and relaxed by Erestor’s ministrations. The sensations overwhelming as he rode hard and frenzied and all I could do was gasp and cling to him. My eyes never left his face and when he once more became aware of me; his vision shot downward searching out mine. I gazed into his brown eyes and realized they were scared, so much hurt from the past.
Extending my right hand, I lovingly cupped his face and he leaned into my touch. Our rhythm gentled, more thoughtful and sweet, and we settled into slow deep mating. Erestor’s fingers quested between us, the dual sensations of being thrust into while his clever fingers manipulated me, sending me to my pleasure again, over and over. The sounds - our bodies joining, our voices raised - created a chorus of pleasure building in a crescendo echoing off the walls so pure I shall never forget it. I reveled in the closeness of the act, the bonding of being physically linked with another.
And then Erestor stiffened and released within me, a look of pleasure or pain, I could not be sure, rippled across his face. The heat of his essence filled me, leaving something of him inside, and soaked the bed beneath us as it overflowed. He made no sound until he fell heavily upon me and his heartbreaking sobs wetted my shoulder. Tenderly, I grasped Erestor to me, running gentle hands over his back, soothing his anguish until he relaxed and slept.
He left me sometime early this morning. When I awoke Anor glared full in my room and the bed cold. There will always be a bit of me missing, an emptiness unfulfilled by this unrequited love. I yearn for him already, but his destiny lies with another, and I am left with only hope. Hope for my future and for Erestor’s.
I do not think I have imagined that Erestor has recently become more welcoming to Glorfindel, their famous arguments not quite as frequent or contentious. Mayhap the truth of Glorfindel’s last message, the words Erestor only knows because I screamed them at him, has finally sunk in. No matter, because his continued resistance to Glorfindel’s amorous advances will soon cease. I know the truth and so does Glorfindel. Erestor will be unable to stand against our combined efforts, for I intend to cooperate with Glorfindel and see Erestor happy once more. His life shall not end in a whimper of faded agony.
Glorfindel returns this morn; possibly he has already arrived and seen his Solstice gift and acted on it. Last night, before Erestor entered my rooms, I quickly visited Glorfindel’s chambers and left all the letters bound together in the stamped ribbon atop his bed, and the ashes of the final note strewn around them. Prominently displayed on his pillow sits my Solstice gift to him, and eventually I hope Erestor will also see it as a token of my love. For I have broken a promise to him and written a note in my best imitation of his handwriting. It is securely closed with their special seal. A chance to fully open communications between them, and I count upon Glorfindel’s undying love to never accept the word “nay” from Erestor again, once he reads…the last message.
Imladris III 933
My Dearest Beloved,
Four days ago, in your arms, we danced as if the years had disappeared and we once more dwelled in the bliss of our love. I can still feel the strength and heat of your arms around me, holding me close, engulfing me in a safe haven. I hear the kind words that made me smile. The familiar smell of your unique scent and I conceded, finally, that I can no longer be apart from you.
When Gondolin fell and chaos reigned, I knew I could never go on without the memories of you, and I ran for my rooms. Foolishly, I needed your letters and notes knowing life was not worth living without these meager reminders of what we once shared. And I retrieved them and escaped only to see you fall. Daily, I read them to convince myself that I had mattered to someone even if only for a short while. Each day and each night they were my stalwart companions, and I mourned you anew when your scent upon them faded completely.
But one remained untouched. You see, beloved, I never read your last message, but I now know your words. Forgive me for foolishly surrendering our love so quickly. Please run to me, come and collect your thousand kisses and with them wash away the memories of the thousands of tears I have shed. Let us heal and rise together from the ashes of our mistakes.
Humbly and Hopefully,
Yours forever, Erestor